I have no recollection of writing this but I apparently did

I lived in a surburban area next to a swamp around 20 years ago. I... I was only 9 years old when it happened.

I had visited the swamp out of curiousity, being a 9-year-old total scrub, and stuck my hand in the mud. It was a beautiful experience... but I felt something... smooth. Smooth ogre skin. Something arose from the mud. A rather cross Shrek grabbed me by the ear.

" OI LADDEH WHAT ARE YEW DOIN IN MY SWAMP" HE YELLED

I asked Soapy the Orange Otter OC for help. She never arrived.

I was screwed in me pants.

I ran to the nearest exit, tearing off my own ear to escape. Suddenly, I looked back, and Shrek was right behind me.

"OI WAIT LADDEH I NEED TO KEEL YOU"

I RAN FOR LIKE MILES EDGEWORTH UNTIL I GOT BACK HOME

only to find a singular tomato on the table

drek had been helping me the entire time

and now i am -1 years old livin the kool life.avi