Squidward's Unbearable Existance

Squidward was resting on the surface of his cold bed, attempting to get even a second of sleep. He was struggling to fall asleep because of the obnoxious, overly loud blabbering of his next-door neighbor, the positive and cheerful SpongeBob SquarePants. This process would repeat almost every night as Squidward lay awake on his bed in restless agony, his tentacles twitching every now and then to show his annoyance. This night, the sponge was being overly loud this time, as loud as 10,000 fire alarms going off next to each-other in front of a giant megaphone. Squidward... he was crying at this point. He put the pillows over his invisible ears attempting to block out the endless noise of his neighbor. The laughter of SpongeBob echoed throughout the night, slowly getting progressively louder. Squidward pressed the pillows against his head so hard it could have crushed him, but it didn't. The pillows were no help, as it was already too late. The laughter was no longer echoing through the night, but it was in his head. He lost his one lingering thread of sanity at that very moment. He threw the pillows out of the window, got up, and snapped his clarinet in two. He threw the reed of the tool out of the window like a bullet. Now Squidward was the one to laugh as he went into the refrigerator and took out a long expired beer. Popping it open with his hand, he chugged it all down in one quick bout. He broke the bottle over his head and grabbed a few more. He proceeded to jump out of the window with the beer still in his hands, rigidly sliding down the nose structure on his house and breaking one of his tentacles on the impact of the floor. He kept laughing...

He got on his recumbant bicycle and took to the road, pedaling away from the three aligned houses that belonged to Patrick Star, himself and the accursed SpongeBob SquarePants. He pedaled as fast as he could, and slowly, the laughter eased out of his head and into the void behind him. Now he was the only one laughing. An innocent fish was jogging to get back home -- after all, he has to help his wife practice aiming better. Archery is a tough skill to learn. The man unfortunately walked right in front of Squidward, as his bicycle crushed his fish leg. "MY LEG!", the poor man shouted. He held his leg in pain as he called the police officers of Bikini Bottom. Due to the police station being very nearby, they arrived and began pursuing the madman that is Squidward Tentacles. Squidward tried to speed past them, but the police had cars which were brilliantly faster. Squidward didn't know what to do, so he simply sped into someone's home and wrecked various items like a bull in a china shop. The police stormed inside of the house, which belonged to Old Man Jenkins. The green old man simply stood there rubbing his hands, confused as to what was happening before him. Squidward's bicycle could not go up the stairs, so he simply crashed, breaking his arm tentacle. Slowly trying to crawl up the stairs was useless, and the police had caught him. Squidward turned to one of the officers with a crazed look in his eyes. He was foaming at the mouth.

He was arrested and sent to the Bikini Bottom jail for DUI.